My favorite words have four letters in them.
Aren't four letter words the best? Short, not-that-sweet, always to the point. But not all of my favorites are salacious. Two of my favorite four-letter words? How'd you guess? Self-Care.
Unlike some of their naughtier counterparts, the meaning of these four-letter words isn't always as understood. Does self-care mean taking a fancy barre class? Getting a weekly manicure or massage? A standing "date night" with your best friend? An extra five minutes in the shower? And for moms especially, what does self care look like?
Sure, those can be ways to take care of yourself, but self-care doesn't always require a babysitter or extra money. It just requires planning, a little discipline and a desire to take care of yourself. Three things YOU absolutely possess and can implement today!
Now, don’t punch me, because you’ve actually heard all of these suggestions before. The thing is, you're not doing any of them. Ergo you are overwhelmed, stressed, feeling burned out and disconnected from your life. Stop it. And start doing these things instead. Right now.
1. Fine-tune your evening routine to crush the morning one.
I really hate this one, but damn it if it doesn’t work. Every. Single. Time. The idea here is that every night, in some way, shape or form, get yourself ready for the next day. That will inevitably make your morning run 100 times better than a typical morning.
For me that means cleaning up my kitchen as much as possible before I go to bed: washing the dishes and running the dishwasher, clearing the countertops and kitchen table, and sometimes packing lunches packed or prepping breakfast (something like overnight oats).
Trust me, the last thing I want to do at 8pm after my kids go to bed is to stand in a room where I have been standing all damn day long. Every ounce of my being is screaming for me to RUN away from the dishes. “It can wait ‘til tomorrow,” the she-devil in my brain coos, luring me towards Netflix or mindless Instagram story scrolling. Every single night, I never ever EVER want to do this.
But, since I'm in charge of the morning routine at our house, setting it up the night before always makes my morning easier.
Can you think of a way that you can simplify your morning by doing something the night before?
2. Breathe heavily. Often.
Sex, yoga, meditation, running, taking the stairs at the office, whatever gets you huffing and puffing. Several times a day. Every day.
I know that I'm not telling you something you don't already know. And while you might say, "oh but I work out," I bet you could probably still benefit from a little more heavy breathing. Consider adding meditation to the mix. Or taking a bike ride with your kids. Are you having as much sex as you'd like? Be honest with yourself. (And then with your partner.)
You don't have to spend your day sweaty, just get more in touch with your body. How it moves and feels. What it likes and dislikes. What it responds to and shies away from. Start to pay attention to what your body is telling you and how it responds to the actions you're taking. Or not taking, for that matter.
Consider the state of your sex life. Is it in a good place? A satisfying place? Just because it isn't doesn't mean it has to remain there forever. But, as favorite person of mine always says, "hope is not a strategy." You can't HOPE for things to one day get better. You have to take action.
So listen to your body and then make some changes. You deserve it.
3. Be the first person in your house to wake up every day.
This tip also really sucks. I mean, getting up in the dark? What in the hell? This self-care thing is super fun, right? No wonder no one is actually doing it.
Getting your a$$ out of bed is by far the hardest part. Once you're out of bed, it gets exponentially easier to be awake at what probably is an insane hour. When I wake up, I repeat to myself, "I'm so happy to be awake, I'm so happy to be awake, I'm so happy..." to trick my body and brain into thinking that this early wake up stuff is something we actually want to be doing and not some bizarre circadian rhythm mixup.
Once you're awake though, YOU get to choose what to do with your time. Journal, read a book, catch up on some work. Usually, I work out and then read or write with a cup of coffee. But, that doesn't have to be what you do. The key is to find what will motivate you to get yourself out of that deliciously cozy bed. Maybe it's meditating, maybe it's catching up on folding that laundry you just couldn't will yourself to do the day before, maybe you want to write in a journal or catch up on a show, THIS TIME IS ENTIRELY YOURS!
The trick here, and something I struggle with, is knowing when to stop with the morning me-time and switch into "midweek morning routine crazy mommy." It's almost like getting out of bed: "Don't make me leeeeaaavve!" It's a journey not a destination, right? I'm working on it. So get up before your people tomorrow. You're going to be tired regardless, so you might as well do something for yourself.
Self-care doesn't require you to leave your house or have to cost you a dime. It just requires a little discipline and maybe some planning. And all the coffee.
You've got this mama.